WHEN YOU ARE CALLED ON TO DO A TRANSLATION

 Do not panic. If you know the translation, then congratulations, you are off the hook (you nerd).   However, in most cases you will NOT know how to do it, so use the following steps to protect yourself as much as possible. 

First, act confused and pretend to be unaware of your current surroundings.  She will immediately show signs of annoyance, and will make clear to you that you are a dingbat.�  Pay no attention.  The crucial part to this step is to keep calm.  Do not make quick movements or stutter in an incoherent and apologetic manner.  To add to this effect, lean back into your seat.  The teacher will interpret this body language as an indication of surrender, and the rambling will end a little sooner.

The second phase is tricky, for it requires thinking as you feel your way through the translation.  First, just translate the first word of the sentence.   There is a 30% chance that this is the subject of the sentence.  If you do not know the English definition of the first word, do not be afraid to ask the teacher the meaning of the word (this applies to all of the other words in the sentence).  Although annoyed, she will most likely give you the meaning of the word.  Next, take the last word of the sentence.  There is a 50% chance that this is the verb of the sentence.  This time, however, do NOT ask what the word means, but just take a wild guess.  Maxwell will first recoil, then she will either correct you or use quote 5 (see box below).  If she corrects you, you are in luck.  Sometimes she may follow up with quote 2.  If in the not so common case that she decides to use quote 5, tell her yes, dig into your backpack, and hold up your Math homework.�  Most likely, she will not be able to determine what it really is, but hold it up for as little time as possible.  You are on your own for the rest of the sentence because I myself do not know how to do anything else.  Try your best, even if you translate badly. 

While you are translating, she may use quote 4.  This does not apply to you, but it will be a good time to take a break.  This may also be a good time to ask to be excused from class.  If you cannot invent a good excuse, the bathroom excuse is adequate.  If this does not work, continue the translation until you are finished.  Be sure to memorize or write down the translation while you do it because she may use quote 3, possibly followed by, once again, quote 4.  The second time should be easy enough.  After it is all over, emit a sigh of relief and ignore her when she uses quote 1.  

    Quote 1 - �May I remind you that this is Latin # (any Latin level above 1).�

    Quote 2 - �You think you can do that translation without me doing it all for you?�

    Quote 3 - �Do it again.�

    Quote 4 - �Look at the LATIN!�

    Quote 5 � �Did you do your homework?�

Key Tips

�   The most important point is not to panic.  It is a clear indication that you are hiding something. 

�   Always respond to her corrections with a word of acknowledgement.  This gives her an impression that you are learning something.

�   Never talk back.  That will get you nowhere.  Believe me.

�   Act or at least pretend to be sincere, even though you are really being a total bastard.  Even though you may be god awful in Latin, you will generally be seen as the innocent idiot that you are

� Mythical bat-like creature that emits a high pitched frequency which is perceived by the human ear as a �ding� sound.  No reported sightings.

� If you did not do this either, just stop going to school.