UPON ENTERING M29

Why did you take Latin?  What is your plan for the future?  When was the last time you made a good decision?  If you answered �yes� to any of the questions above�, Latin is the right language for you. 

But allow me to give you a few minor warnings before I go into the benefits:  SAVE YOURSELF!  RUN!  FASTER!  TAKE SPANISH WHILE YOU STILL HAVE THE CHANCE�!

Too late.  I knew you wouldn�t change your minds you stubborn little ingrates.  Well, now that I have clarified my position on this matter�Welcome to the wacky world of Lingua Latina�!  Over the next 4 years (if you last that long), you will be learning the fascinating and unnecessarily complicated language that killed off the Romans in the same way as it will kill you.  Let me guess how you got here.  Perhaps some minions of Mrs. Maxwell (teacher) enticed you with some attractive offers.  Lies, all lies!  They deceive you with their forced displays of giddiness.  And yet, you gave your life with that weak mind of yours. 

So now you walk to your classroom with that schedule in your hand, wondering what wonders await you.  Eventually, you see that magical number painted in fading brown paint on the white wall.  You walk up the ramp, past the tinted windows, reach for the primitive, yet beautiful handle on the heavy door, swing it wide open, and finally�finally you find that you are 30 minutes late because you are not smart enough to make sure what time school starts.  The heavy metal door clicks behind you.

Great job.  You have just proven to the teacher that you are stupid.  Luckily, nothing has been accomplished up to this point (as you will become accustomed to over the year).  The teacher is about to give her beginning-of-the-year speech, and already it as occurred to you, �I�m in deep shit.�

So now the teacher begins the speech.  �Y�all in deep shit.��  No, she doesn�t really say that, but you can tell that it�s true because she describes the vigorous nature of this course and her policies and how every single one of you will become one of her minions over time.

Your instinct tells you to sit still, don�t talk, don�t blink, and possibly even pause all metabolic processes.  Well�do that!  Even so you will still get on her nerves.  There is nothing you can do about it.   Fortunately, things go this way for only the first year.  Now you start thinking, ��this was a bad idea.�

Your first action as a Latin student should be to establish a good reputation, preferably a useful skill such as the possession of computer technical skills.  By useful, I mean something that can get you away from Latin as much as possible.  For example, as the webmaster of the classroom, you have a good excuse to sit at the computer.  Tell her that you are doing a project for the benefit of Latin Club (a club about Latin) and play games, download mp3s, and manage your own personal affairs while carefully evading the eye of the teacher.  Unfortunately, this never works. 

As the year goes on, things settle down a bit, allowing you to fill a certain niche.  Some examples are: slacker, joker, cheater, genius, moron, reliable, dyslexic, spaceman, serious, teacher�s lackey, etc.  There are infinite possibilities.  Hybrids are allowed.  So don�t be shy; find your place and build on it.  Any role is a positive, even if you are well suitable to be the moron.  Everyone likes the moron. 

� I know some people that would.

� Whatever that means

� Did I mention the southern accent?